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Why doesn't anyone talk about how infertility affects your sex life?


- Scheduled sex

- Fear of peeing too soon and letting the seminal fluid out

- Fear of not holding up your legs long enough

- Fear of missing your ovulation window

- The fear of not conceiving and feeling inadequate


Not to sound grim but let's just admit that scheduled sex is quite possibly an oxymoron. Couples who are trying to conceive via IVF or other assisted reproductive options are often struggling with having sex at the most optimum time. When intimacy gets dictated by the calendar and your obstetrician, the spontaneity of sex sometimes gets lost as it becomes more of a chore.

We come across so many heart-breaking stories of couples who confess that although the birth of their IVF baby was nothing short of a miracle, yet they feel they have lost that physical connection with their partner somewhere along the way. Sex became just another step in the process to get closer to their end goal: making a baby,

There's so many different ways infertility can adversely impact your sex life and here's just a few:

Scheduled Sex

Although keeping a track of your fertile days is in general advisable if you're trying to have a baby however, it's taken to another level altogether once you start fertility treatments. Hormone injections, fertility drugs, and everything in between means that you are advised to be intimate on certain days and not so much on others. For instance, if you're going through an IUI treatment plan, it is recommended that you don't have intercourse on the day(s) between getting your trigger shot and the actual IUI procedure, so that the male partner can have a good sample for the day of the IUI.

Fear of losing the seminal fluid too quickly

Although it is said that during penetration enough fluid is left inside the female reproductive canal for conception to happen provided everything else works out however it is still recommended that you don't urinate right away after having sex if you're trying to get pregnant.

Fear of not holding up your legs long enough

Some might call it a myth but this old adage points to the fact that if you keep your body in that position after sex long enough, gravity helps in getting you pregnant sooner.

Fear of missing your ovulation window

There's only a certain number of days that a woman's body is at its most fertile state and it's recommended that you have intercourse on those particular days if you're trying to have a baby. Needless to say, during fertility treatments, that need to be just in the right time window gets even more pronounced.

The feeling of being inadequate

Woman staring into space in disappointment
Courtesy: Scary Mommy

Lastly, and perhaps, most importantly, every time you menstruate after having a whole month's worth of unprotected sex hurts like nothing else. One of the strongest blows of infertility on your sex life comes in the form of loss of sexual confidence. The lingering feeling of inadequacy every time you try and have sex is the real culprit behind so many stories of lost lust.

However, as with any emotional health issue, your sexual confidence can also be regained by properly addressing and managing it. Sex therapists and couples counseling can prove to be extremely helpful in such scenarios. If you feel you harbor feelings of resentment and apprehension every time you have intercourse with your partner, instead of blaming it on something random and brushing it under the carpet, try to address and manage it. Remember, the family that you so badly want to build, starts with you and your partner.


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